you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from