um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
