white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love