Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
