they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer