My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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