When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.