I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
handjob tips. give me some.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.