I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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