do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.