I wish life had little blips of pornography
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dating After Heartbreak
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."