Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.