9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
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We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
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they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.