dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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