his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.