I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
