you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
