Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
