have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
