forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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