So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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