Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
