am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
