Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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