is your mom at the bar?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
