My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
