Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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