never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
