You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
