Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
