can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
