I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
