To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
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