I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Use "feeling words"
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