I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
