im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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