at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
