i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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