the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
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Let's paint friendship bongs
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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