i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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