I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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