Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
