why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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