I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
