I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
