Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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