one might say we're banned from that church
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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