He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
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