Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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