Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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