it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
