dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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