If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
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