go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
