you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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