I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
