Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
