I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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