Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
