I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
