Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
