I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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