onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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