I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Is it because I queefed?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
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