what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
