just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
