the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I deserve this hangover.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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