This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
