The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
