last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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